Early Rising

I’m a columnist for the Cannon Chronicle, a semi-annual newsletter of the descendants of Alan Munn and Mary Parkinson Cannon. I’m married to the editor of eight years, so I’ve got this plum job.

My recent column focused on meditation. Since the pandemic began I have attended a weekday meditation circle on Zoom, led by Khare, a dedicated DBSA Boston (Depression Bipolar Suport Alliance) facilitator and student of meditation. With few exceptions, I’ve been at my computer at 8:30 a.m. every weekday since April. I’ve seen great strides in my ability to sit still and be present.

In my column, I sheepishly admit that 8:15 a.m. is early to me these days. Then I defend myself: I’m retirement age, why not sleep in?

Early rising is a complicated issue for me. Much like my desire to take as few medications as possible, I’ve always seen it as a moral issue. “Early to bed and early to rise,” Benjamin Franklin wrote, extolling the virtues of early rising.

As a child, I loved to get up early. I remember in second grade getting up at 5:30 a.m. to go to morning Mass with my dad. Then I’d sit on a bench at the bottom of the stairs, navy-blue beret jammed on my white-blond head, and ferociously read Robinson Crusoe. (I was an aggressively good reader from a young age.)

When I was around 14, I would get up early on summer mornings and ride my bike all over the south side of Westfield, NJ. The smell of the fresh new day thrilled my heart and I reveled in enjoying a morning that everyone else was sleeping through.

Having manic depression (bipolar 1), I find myself always second guessing myself. Is my early rising virtuous or is it a harbinger of mania? Certainly a symptom of hypomania, that delicious state ‘below’ mania, is a lessened need for sleep. How does that work? Days and weeks of 6, 5, 4 hours of sleep with ever-increasing energy. A pretty stupendous crash at the end, but a crash of the mind, not the muscles and organs (aside from the brain).

So, there ‘tis, to quote the emperor in Amadeus. The virtue of my youth slams up against current medical advice. When I wake spontaneously at 5 a.m. these days, within seconds I have three thoughts: Did I take my meds? Do I need more? Can I handle this myself without meds?)