David Moment

Two Years Ago

April 2015 was a tough month. David contracted a staph infection in his blood and spent ten days back at Lunder in MGH. Because of the infection, they removed the port in his chest, that wonderful device that for the past year had allowed the nurses to draw blood twice a week (and at least daily when inpatient) and deliver transfusions easily. In its place, he got IV tubes that dangled out of his arm all of the time. But by April 28th, David was looking good. We had a whirlwind visit from Sam and his fiancée (now wife) Savannah and her sister, Emma. The next day David developed pain in his arm. Ultrasounds. Blood clots. Blood thinners. Platelets to combat the bleeding risk from the blood thinners. Then his WBC count doubled in two days, so he had to go back on the hydroxyurea and couldn’t start a new clinical trial.

End of April 2017

I feel so normal. It worries me; yet again I wonder, am I doing this grief thing right? The other day I opened a container of antiseptic wipes and the smell put me right back in 2015 and the incessant  bleaching, hand-washing, heating food to 165 degrees. But it didn’t cause a ‘grief attack’. Many months ago, when I was feeling grief as an attack, capable of doubling me over, my therapist gently quizzed me, “You think of it as an attack?”" Smelling the antiseptic, I realized I had re-framed: it was a ‘David moment’ for me, not a debilitating attack.