Smorgasbord

I was sitting in the ‘cultural hall’ (aka gym for those of you who aren’t LDS), waiting for stake conference (the semi-annual meeting of our stake (like a diocese: a group of eleven congregations in the Boston area)) to begin.

For some reason, I thought about service, and being the perfectionist I am, I focused on all the good deeds I’ve left undone.

A new and comforting thought came into my mind unbidden. Perhaps service opportunities are like a smorgasbord. (How often have you heard that word in the last fifty years? They were all the rage in the seventies.)

A smorgasbord is a Scandinavian way of serving food at a party. Instead of one entrée, many different kinds of food are presented at a huge table and guests are invited to sample those that look appealing.

When I was in college, a sweet and generous older man invited a friend and me to his favorite restaurant, which featured a smorgasbord. I was in seventh heaven. So many choices! I wanted to try all of them. The result was a memorable meal.

But in life, with that same attitude of trying to sample everything, I often feel discouraged and down on myself. When I fail to step up to a service opportunity, especially one that has no appeal to me or will be difficult or awkward to time-consuming, I feel like a failure.

I don’t mean to excuse myself for the things left undone that I really should have done. But life is a smorgasbord. There isn’t time to sample it all. A skill I’d like to develop is the ability to enjoy the fact of choices coupled with the wisdom that I must choose and that happiness lies in the direction of making good choices and being content with the outcomes.

In the October 2007 General Conference of the Church, Dallin H. Oaks gave a memorable talk, "Good, Better, Best." (I just googled Dallin Oaks and the first fill-in was ‘good better best.’) He talked about the many choices we have in life. Like the old Sears catalog he and his farming family pored over before Christmas in his youth, the choices can be labeled good, better, and best. The question is, are we making the best choices or are we satisfied with good ones.

I took the message to heart and I still recognize great good in it. But my interpretation can sometimes be toxic.

I recently listened to President Oaks’ talk to refresh my memory. It is interesting to note that much of his talk is geared towards official Church activities and over-scheduling children and youth. Those have nothing to do with my current personal life choices.

Jim and I often talk about choices, emotional paralysis, and time use. Since he is self-employed and I’m an independent homemaker, our schedules are largely our own. The freedom can be exhilarating; it can also be paralyzing. Sometimes we make a priority list and then avoid working on what we named as our priorities.

Today I have 328 unread emails in my inbox. It’s a backlog from our two-week trip to Oxford, Cornwall, and London. When I got home it was over 700. I also have undone DBSA Boston work (I’m president, remember?), an unpublished blog (obviously I chose to post if you are reading this), work to do on my memoir, as well as laundry, food preparation, and a myriad of other worthwhile time-use choices.

Writing that list raises my anxiety. Can I really relax and enjoy the smorgasbord?