Describing psychosis

Several months ago, a psychiatrist I know from DBSA-Boston contacted me, looking for people with schizophrenia or schizo-affective disorder. He is a psychiatric consultant for a pharmaceutical company and wanted to have a “Patient Day” where the researchers could meet people with mental illness.

A friend of mine, who has schizo-affective disorder, agreed to present and I asked if I could tag along as an observer.

That morning, it became apparent that they expected me to speak as well. I don’t have schizophrenia, but I have experienced three psychotic episodes, so I did have something worthwhile to share. We each had twenty minutes to talk, after which there would be a Q&A session. Nearly every week I tell a five-minute version of my experience with manic depression to a group of newcomers at DBSA-Boston. I immediately started to compose my thoughts for my presentation.

I expanded my standard five-minute introduction, describing in more depth what psychosis feels like, and expressing my frustration with the side effects of olanzapine (Zyprexa), which probably causes hand tremors that make it impossible for me to handle a sewing needle or a soup spoon. (In my former life I made wedding dresses for my sister and my daughter.) Among side effects, it’s mild, but it does impact my life. My memory problems are probably a mix of meds, the manic depression illness itself, and normal aging. My memory is definitely poorer than most friends my age.

The presentation was exhilarating. I had none of the negative reaction I unexpectedly experienced with the church mental health panel. It felt more akin to my experience at Girls' Camp 2018. I felt a connection to the researchers. Not insignificant is the fact that my dad was a research chemist for Merck, a pharmaceutical company. Besides his work with steroids, I’m very proud of the fact that I inspired his work to find an antibiotic to kill pseudomonas bacteria, after I nearly lost my leg to a pseudomonas infection when I was 18.

Talking to these research scientists about my experience with mental illness gave them insight and inspiration. And the office was just down the street from Joanne Chang's Flour Bakery. I brought home sticky buns, triple chocolate mousse cake, and pecan pie to share with Jim and our niece, Carla.