"Ring Out, Wild Bells"

Two years ago

            New Year’s Eve, 2014, Matt drove David down to Manhattan to spend the holiday with all the siblings at R’els Manhattan apartment. Some went in costume to the midnight 4-mile run through Central Park.

New Year 2017

As I wrote last week, we had a lovely and quiet Christmas. The anticipation was hard; the actual experience sweet.
And then, on New Year’s Day, at the beginning of the closing hymn in sacrament meeting at church, I was in tears. I mouthed the words for half a verse, then gave up and concentrated on not completely breaking down.

The trigger? My favorite New Year’s hymn, “Ring Out, Wild Bells”. (the only one I know of). Every year, on the first Sunday in January, we sing it at church. It has beautiful, hopeful words and fun-to-sing harmonies, ending with a Picardy third. (For those of you that don't have Wikipedia handy, a Picardy third is a major (happy) chord at the end of a piece in a minor (sad) key.) It’s very satisfying to sing in four-part harmony.

“Ring out, wild bells, to the wild sky…The year is dying, in the night; ring out wild bells, and let him die.
“Ring in the valiant men and free, the larger heart, the kindlier hand. Ring out the darkness in the land...”

Later, as I wonder why that hymn hit me so hard (Jim calls them ‘David moments’), I realize that the dying year, 2016, was the first full year of David being dead. 2017 begins as the second full year. There’s one fewer valiant men, a missing heart, a kind hand stilled. Not only that, but he would have turned 30 this year.

New Year’s is not a holiday I think much about. This grief reaction feels like slamming straight into a brick wall I hadn't seen. I anticipated Christmas preparations would be hard; singing “Ring Out Wild Bells” blind-sided me.

Later, after dessert at our Weekly Gathering dinner (every Sunday we have dinner for about 20 guests), Jim gathers everyone into the family room for some singing. As I sit down, he starts to sing “Ring Out, Wild Bells”. Surprisingly, I can sing with gusto and enjoy the wonderful Picardy third at the end. Note to self: sing “Ring Out, Wild Bells” throughout the year, as exposure therapy.