But Like a Child at Home

One Sunday, about two months after David’s death, Jim and I go to our friend Judy Pate's memorial service. Judy first was diagnosed with thyroid cancer ten years ago, was declared cancer-free, but developed uterine cancer in 2008 and liver (bile duct) cancer in 2012. She died October 1, 2015.

For the memorial service our congregation’s choir sing My Shepherd Will Supply My Need, arranged by Mack Wilberg. We actually have a harp, flute, and oboe to accompany us.
Yes, just two months after David’s death and I’m singing in the choir. I stand in the second row, behind my tall friend Kimberly. And I am actually able to sing some; I just can’t quite get through the final sentence:

Here would I find a settled rest,
while others go and come;
no more a stranger, nor a guest,
but like a child at home.

After the closing prayer, Jim and I sit silently in the side front pew and listen to Linda play the beautiful postlude music, my head on Jim’s shoulder, crying quietly, trying not to sob.

I didn’t cry during David’s service; for this funeral it feels good not to be the center of attention and to be able to know my own grief.