My Army Guy

My reaction to David’s death has progressed as the months have passed. At first I found myself in the 'oh, he’s just at Fort Hood, doing the Army things any 27 year old Army guy would do' mode. After the burial, September 12, it became obvious that he wasn’t at Fort Hood, and that his body was in one specific place, Westview Cemetery, Lexington. November 12 brought the grave marker installation, with the carved granite rock declaring his death in no uncertain terms.
And now, as the holiday season warms up, I realize that in my experience, Army guys tend to get leave at Christmas time and unmarried Army guys tend to visit home. So it’s really hard not to notice that my Army guy hasn’t made any plans.
I’ve gotten over the gut-wrenching reaction to naming my children and falling into the emotional ravine between Matt’s and Annie’s names. Now I am very careful when people ask what my kids are doing for Christmas. I keep firmly in mind that the order is Matt, then Annie. I pause just slightly.
And do I want people to talk about David? I don’t know, I really don’t know. I don’t want him forgotten, but I also don’t want to melt into a puddle every time I talk to someone. How is this grieving thing done?